I lived with Eva for 2 weeks, and slowly, over every meal, I learnt about her life and her views and her personality. So here it is.
She’s now 88 which means she was born in 19 , in Prague. She studied medicine and became a dentist. She married her husband there, and they had two sons. Her husband was a banker. In 1969 they made the decision to move to Switzerland. This was because of the unstable political landscape of Prague at the time, with the Soviet Union having invaded Czechia in August 1968. She didn’t want her children’s schooling and lives to be based in this uncertain place. They chose Bern because, and I quote, ‘’it felt right”. It was the capital so it had the appeal of being the main place. It was small and beautiful. It was german speaking, and her husband spoke german. To continue being a dentist here Eva needed to learn german and take further exams, which she did (although I’m not convinced she’s fluent in german even now). For a time they lived in Bern with their children going to school and Eva and her husband going to work. It was repetitive and Eva grew tired of it. She found some land out a bit from Bern, in the countryside, and they bought it. Slowly they built the house she currently lives in. It has 7.5 hectares of land, and they planted trees, a vegetable garden, flowers, hedges, the lot. When it was ready they moved here, travelling to Bern for work still, and keeping their apartment in Bern. They bought animals and so they had their little space in the world. Eventually they stopped working in Bern, I’m not sure when, if it was at retirement or before this, and spent all their time at the house. It sounded like a happy life.
Then a young polish lady moved into the village which is close to the house. She was around the age of their children, now grown and living in Bern alone, perhaps slightly older. And after 50 years of marriage, Eva’s husband took a fancy to this woman, and that was that. He know lives in Paris with her, although has apparently recently moved back to Bern. This happened around 10 years ago, and I’ve never pushed Eva to talk about it, but sometimes she does. She tells me that she’s okay about it all now, but she hopes he doesn’t come to the house, as seeing him would pain her. She says looking back, she realised it wasn’t that happy. She was always wanting to do something, or make something, and he was always coming up with reasons why she should not. She said it made her a little bit happy to think over the lockdowns that she had this lovely house and gardens, and he was in a tiny apartment in Paris - she’s only human I suppose.
Eva’s views on the world are interesting. She always wants to know more, and do more. She tells me that even now, she doesn’t read fiction, only books that teach her something. If it is to be known, she must know it. She acknowledges that it’s silly to do this now, as she will never use the information. She says she needs many lives, to do all of the things she’s interested in - something I’ve thought myself! She’s passionate about the importance of being passionate. About everything you do, including work. But also about being flexible, and going with the flow of life. She doesn’t understand travelling without a purpose, for example going somewhere for a work conference is okay, but not just to visit the place. She seems very unimpressed with her children. They look down on Czech traditions, they don’t understand her life here with her animals, and they don’t have the passion that Eva feels they should have. I haven’t actually heard her say a good word about them. I wonder what she was like when they were growing up.
It’s been interesting to discuss the situation in Ukraine with her, and she has an almost sad interest in it. Like she doesn’t want to hear about it but can’t help herself, with a knowing of how it will end. We spoke one evening about a Ukrainian student that stayed with her family in 1943. The police came one evening and took him away, to send him to the Ukrainian army to fight in the war. Her father told her that if the boy survived he would come back and stay with them again. He didn’t come back. I’m sure it’s these memories, and memories of the Soviet Union invading Czechia, that makes the Ukrainian situation more personal for her.
The most interesting thing about my time with Eva has been watching someone come to terms with their age. As already mentioned, Eva is 88, and up to very recently she has been fairly mobile and had no pain. But now she struggles to walk and has pain in her leg. The first few days I was here, she would begin the day by taking her dog for a walk. But now she cannot manage this. Watching her realise the things she can no longer do, and understanding that this is not something that’s broken and can be fixed, but the beginning of one-way deterioration is (and I know how unsympathetic this sounds, but…) interesting. Yes I feel for Eva and how sad it’s making her, but beyond that, for me, it’s really interesting to see someone process it. It helps that I’ve only just met Eva, she’s not my grandma or anything so I’m not exactly attached to her. For me, she’s 88, it’s remarkable she’s gotten this far before the inevitable ageing has affected her massively. Surely she can see that, and be thankful it’s coming this late, rather than sad it’s come at all? But she cannot. And I’m sure, if I reach old age and face the same situation, I will not either.
Takeaway point, live while you’re young (and by young I mean any age that you’re still able move freely without pain (I realise this is ableist but I hope you understand my point)). So take a gap year or something…
